For N, with Love

On account of me having, shall we say, some shit happening in my life, and also on account of me being fairly awful at ever buying all the stuff I need to buy at Target while I’m there, I never got my best friend a birthday card. I also never wrapped her birthday present and drove around with it in my car for a month until finally just handing it to her while driving one day and demanding she accept it unwrapped. I am phenomenal at all relationships and generally being a good person, is the point.

The other point is that she reads this blog, and I realized I could just write an open letter to her here. That is probably better than a birthday card, anyway. Because…the environment (?).

Here are some things I could have written in your card if I’d gotten one, N. I could not have gotten through this without you. Bad news – I don’t think you’re off the hook yet, so…maybe bookmark this page and just re-read it periodically.

Thank you for the hand holding – literally and metaphorically.
Thank you for inspiring me to be brave, and then reminding me that I promised to be brave.
Thank you for the real talk, but thank you for being gentle with it.
Thank you for crying with me.
Thank you for laughing with me.
Thank you for walking me through the aisles at Target and helping me begin a new life.
Thank you for sitting on the floor with me and allowing me to feel like I was dying.
Thank you for assuring me that I would not die.
Thank you for taking me to dinner on my first night alone. Thank you for encouraging me that night that I’d be in a dramatically different place mentally in a year.
Thank you for allowing me to tell you the same story for years, and thank you for finally helping me realize that I was strong enough to change the ending.

You are a true soul mate, and you are one of my favorite humans.

I love you dearly.



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